I should be on a train right now heading to Birmingham with friends to play with camera gear. I’m not. Instead I’ve been for a run and I’m thinking about cameras. I don’t want to be thinking about cameras. I want to be thinking about things to point cameras at.

Over the past few years I’ve grown my camera collection from Nikon to Nikon, Fuji and Leica. Nikon for architecture. Fuji for portraits / the arts. Leica for travel/personal work. Every day I question that setup. Every day I wonder if I need a Sony setup for video, which is stupid as my Fuji’s do video just fine. But every day I spend some time doubting myself and worrying. I’m like a baker who doesn’t bake anything because he wonders if the Baker Maker 5000 produces a better dough while his Baker Maker 4000 gathers dust.

This is all stupid head stuff because I’ve just finished a year long project and I have good ideas for future work. I’m building a new portfolio site that looks good too. I know the cameras I have do a good job and I know I am currently doing a good job. But that itch at the back of my head persists.

So I didn’t go. I didn’t go and laugh/feel sad at the absurdities of camera shows (it’s all men pointing big lenses at women and IT SUCKS!), play with cameras I don’t need or find a bargain. But worst really is that I didn’t get to hang out with friends. I do wish I’d gone but I really feel like for the time being I need to resolve this itch in my head. Standing in a room with every major camera you can buy would be bad.

Wait, am I an addict? I mean I know that sounds bad but maybe this issue has something in common with sugar addiction. If there’s no sweets in the house it’s easier to get on with your day and not eat sweets. Hmm?

I used to be very strict. I used to ignore cameras completely and only upgrade when I felt limited by what I had. It was a good rule. It meant that I never felt like my current gear was rubbish. I shouldn’t have broken that rule. I don’t think I hard broke it but I do think I slipped and kept slipping.

Hopefully I’ll write a post some day that explains how I got over this issue. Hopefully.