I don't have an excuse. Its a simple thing of why after 4-5 yrs of this don't I believe in myself as I should? Will I never? I do get out there and do things differently as I mentioned in the post. I just don't know why my head makes things so complicated after all this time. Maybe its simply my way of pushing myself if I never feel like I'm doing good work. All I know is some days it really depresses me and I wanted to put it in writing... again.